“Due to the untimely request that you have made on this subject all of my human colleagues are unable to furnish me with information that would be relevant to your request for assistance, it will be moved from my automated response to one that is parked in our new fully automated filing system that will determine the priority rating that either my fellow chat bot can respond to our when a relevant officer becomes available you will be contacted.”
“If you are unable to wait you many be better off trying to phone and press 1 for English 2 for Welsh followed by # followed by button 1 – 10 depending on which Department followed by one of 5 buttons depending on level of urgency followed by 1 to leave a message for one of my Auto Bot colleagues, 2. To get an email, 3. Details for the address to send a letter, 4. To try and speak with someone – if you decide on this option go and make a cup of tea and sandwich as the you are currently number 10 in the que and the average wait time is 2 hours.”